My birthday wish?!? Seriously.... I dun expect much......

Can't believe it's already one yr..... since I last celebrated my birthday --- in Beijing....

Since then... too many things happened.... I finished my study & adventure in Beijing (which was totally unexpected...), then came back to HK/Macau to pack my entire life into a 12 boxes and moved half the globe away to Vancouver (which I swore I'd never do...)..... Then... I tried sooo hard to adjust to a new life at a new place.... made few nice friends and dated 2 very interesting guys and left them there..... then I came back to HK to try my life out once again....(which I thought I wouldn't....)... then just to make it more interesting than it already is -- I've fractured my rite ankle bone.... aaarrrgggghhhh....... >.<"

.... and am here wondering on my birthday-eve.... wot's in store for me in the coming yr......
Not sure if I've really grown a lot past yr..... but I've definitely learnt sth -- not to plan too much and take life as it comes my way.....

Life's got strange twists.... or at least that's how it's seems to be....... leaning to unwind that twists isn't always easy.... it sometimes is a bit exhausting.... (sigh~~) ...and I do feel like I need a shoulder but am learning to stand alone..... :) well... guess that's wot u do when u r 1 yr older..... Gd thing is..... I think that's gonna be a lot easier after the cast is off...... lol..... ;p

Well... I'm not necessarily 1 yr wiser but I've definitely learnt to appreciate my life and everything else in it...... I wonder wot I'd be doing next yr ard this time....... Hmm.... soooo waiting for another spectacular yr ahead.......

But before all that..... My birthday wish is to scratch the h*ll of of my leg after the cast is off.... lol..... talk abt not having much expectations...... oh man......

Anyways.... Happy Happy Birthday to ME~~~~~ :)

A lil buzzed.... a lil happy..... a lil down.... and a lil lost........

Just got home from a great home cooked Indian food house party..... and I think I had just a lil too much white wine...... hehe.... :)

Rite now... I'm feeling a lil buzzed.... a lil happy..... a lil down.... and a lil lost........ and as always, when I'm a lil buzzed I like pouring random stuff that's in my head onto a blank blog space....

It so funny how I'm having difficult time relaxing...... I got used to working so hard for a decade that I feel more at home working my *ss off every single minute craving and dreaming time off from everything (yeah I know, I'm sick man....) ..... but when I have just that, trying to give myself a long break is becoming more of a chore that I'm not relaxing at all..... I know I'm not making much sense.... and cuz of this..... I'm feeling a lil down and lost..... Ai.....

It's soooo funny.... I feel like I'm going thru that late teen/early 20s time where u r trying to figure things out but dun exactly know how to........ lol.... omg..... I feel sooo silly now....

Oh well.... am sure things will be better when I wake up tom..... :)

Nite nite...... ....dun let the bedbugs bite.....

So.... who r u?

I'm realising the word "friendship" is becoming a real convenience.....

So, I've done myself a BIG favor of deleting a whole bunch of "so-called-friends" (>100 of them) from my friend list on FB sometime ago..... My criteria for deleting was : when I look at the name and if I say "Who the h*ck is this?", or we never really bother to even say "Hi! How r u doin?" after adding each other as friends, or I dun think, mutually, we'd really care to know wots going on in each other's life.....

As I mature (tho I think I still have a long way to go.... lol....), I'm coming to a point where I'm taking a different approach and meaning to a "friendship".... It seems, to me, there are 3 types of friends... those who pass by your life, those who leaves foot marks, and those who stays wi you.....

Hmmm..... And I'm sitting here wondering, who I am to my friends...... I hope to be remembered, at the very least, in their fondest memories, if I can't stay on with them.... :)

So..... who r u?

I'm a FOB having the FOB-Blues....

Last nite, I was at my friend's patio enjoying the BBQ and the fireworks, and having a great chat (u know the kind that u just felt soooo in same wave length and pace....)... :)

And funnily enuf today is one of the days where u feel u r sooo not in the same wave length wi some of the people u r hanging out wi..... lol...... hmmm...... makes me wonder if that is really the age gap or just the preference of the topics that you'd be be hoping to have on a breezy & lazy Sunday nite..... or may be it was really the lack of the common-ess of the topic, or may be its my lack of English conversing skills... (yup... Me speak No English-y!! lol....) or may be I'm just lacking the new-late 20's socialising skills..... (though I dun think, I'm that much older..... lol.....), or could be that I'm just wi the wrong crowd (?!?).....

Ummm.... I'm definitely NOT complaining... and am very grateful to some of the friends that I met here who's been nothing but sweet..... but somehow, I just dun know how to exactly put a finger to it, and explain exactly wot it is tonite..... >.<"

Well... as time goes by, I'm realising, one of the most fun yet challenging aspect starting out as a FOB (this is wot the Canadians call the new immigrants i.e. Fresh Off the Boat... lol....) is that you are no-longer in your comfort zone -- where u know u dun have to make a conscious effort to talk but just be completely urself cus u know it's REALLY OKAY and cus u know ur closest friends would understand u do need that lil time off, rite next to them......

Socialising or meeting new people is a very simple yet so complicated process, and tonite is one of those days, where I just hope I was in my comfort zone......

Yeah.... I'm a FOB.... having the FOB-Blues tonite..... So pls.... go easy on me....... ;)

To do list for 2H09...............

I know I know.... it's a bit too late for the new yr resolution..... but since my 2009 plans has changed completely this yr and now I'm in Van..... So..... I've decided to come up wi my 2H 09 plans......

1) Get a job

2) Get my driving license ---> then get a car

3) Get a dog (or a cat, or a rabbit.... sth......)

4) Get my own place (I mean leasing..... lol.... how I wish I can buy a house....)

5) Make more friends (yea... get my *ss out to socialise.....)

6) Get my website done for my new busi idea (yeah... am going to start Korean Language Courses hopefully soon)

7) Get my book finished..... (yup.... am writing a book.....) ;)

8) Get CSC cert. & CGA cert.

9) learn to play golf & get better at tennis

10) get tipsy but not drunk...... ;)

11) remember to have fun doing all the above......

So.... wish me luck guys!!!!!!!!!!

In memory of my old home......

It'll always have a special place in my heart......

In memory of my old home..... where I grew up......

Got a call from mum the other day..... she's been trying to sell one of the places back in Macau.... and finally our old home got sold.... I guess we should be happy given the economy was really bad and she managed to sell it at a gd price......

She said "I feel so empty..... it's like having one of my daughters marrying off to someone...."

And now, that feeling is sinking in me as well............. It was a home that I grew up back in Macau...... the first home that my parents bought, designed, decorated, where me and my 3 sisters grew up together, where I spent my teens, where I got into lots of sh*t and troubles, where I learnt to cook, where I studied, where I always returned when I was feeling down or happy..... and we had so many birthdays, new yrs, x-mas..... *Sigh~*

It's like a place u know u can always go back and totally be urself.... I dunno why I always thought it'd always be there..... it's like u think ur parent will always be there kind of feeling..... so yeah.... I'm feeling homeless now........

I think... Macau will never be the same now...... I'm missing it terribly......

I need a Big Bear Hug today......

Wot makes me smile??

Hmm.... it's really late now.... am sooo dead tired from a long day...... but am too tempted to write wots in my head rite now..... since I just might forget tomorrow.....

Someone asked me what makes me happy / smile..... ummm.... lots of things..... silly things.....

1. finding rainbow out of no where

2. looking at soap bubbles flying in the air (yup.... am childish for my age.... at least am happy!!)

3. listening to nice music

4. having gd chat over a drink

5. going on a nice drive

6. looking at old photo albums and old treasure/memory boxes

7. reading silly joke books (yeah am pathetic... so wot?!?!)

8. sleeping in and waking up not to a alarm clock.....

9. just plain doing nothing and being soooo lazy in my bed and wiggling my toes.... hahahaha.....

10. having coffee/tea/wine next to a big window looking outside raining...

11. day dreaming abt the craziest and most random stuff

12. hanging out in a sexy dress wi my Sex & the City galies (yes.... 4 of us incl. me -- see the pic posted above) and having our ritual of sake & yakitory -- champagne -- wines -- cocktails, and chatting abt anything and everything to details and laugh our heads off and cry (yeah... we do have our moments)...

13. having McDonald's breakfast (have to have 2 hash browns)

14. kicking someone's butt (verbally) when they really get on my nerves (they must be really pushing it cus I'm quite patient) lol.......

15. shoe shopping!!!!!! A gal's luv for shoes will never die........................

16. and rite now..... getting a gdddddd nite sleep....... and a cold shower!!! haha.....

17. listening to X-mas carols and wrapping gifts

18. breathing in the crisp cold winter air.... watching snow.... and stepping on the snow making foot steps (and mine's gotta be the first one!!)

19. ..... and many more..... (to be continued.......) ;)

Arrrggghhh..... So tired now... it's 3:30am..... gotta wake up by 8am..... suckx........... Been a long day today...... but it was a great one!! :) *Smile*~~~~

Welcome to Vancouver~~~ ;)

Went through some of the old pictures......... made me smile..... can't believe it's been almost 4 mth since I wrote last (...and arrived in Van)........ Seems like my life's been in a lil whirlwind and I've been trying hard to get it back on track........

It's funny how sometimes people equate getting back on track to having a routine life -- waking up, working, meeting people.... and I must admit, I'm no exception....

I've been soooo craving for a long-break after a decade of working, studing and partying hard..... but now that I've got so much time on hand, I'm craving to go back to the busy life..... I've been trying extra hard to fill up my time -- taking on exams after exams, teaching Korean, desperately trying to find myself work -- which made me wonder if I thought my 10 yrs of career really defined who I was..... sth to really think abt..... I am who I am but may be it's that I, like the others (back in HK), fell into the trap of having work take over the better part of myself and my life.... >.<"

Me and my friend were chatting the other day online.... it seemed like pretty much everyone was going thru something new..... He def didn't like choices he had.... (wish him all the best!)..

Do we all make changes cus we have to or cus we choose to?? My two cents on this -- at least to me, it feels like there is always an element of both...... may be one stronger than the other..... but wots really imp. is wot and how u make of it.....

Well..... one thing I do know..... I've made my choices, and it wasn't an easy one... but am gonna make it an worthwhile one, rite here in Van!! :) Wonder who's gonna be taking part in my Van Adventure -- voluntarily or involuntarily!!!! lol........

"Welcome to Vancouver, Angela!!"...... Wish me luck guys..... I def. need it...... ;)

My entire life's vaccume-packed into 12 boxes...

Dunno how many people have actually packed their entire life and moved around the globe.... I left Korea @ 11 to Macau but didn't really feel anything much then... may be I was just too young to have made much memories to treasure.... I only remember snap shots of family times, primary school, the kid-nap incident, etc....

Then I left once again to go to HK to work after Uni..... well... then it was more like getting the long-waited-freedom..... just the thought of being independent and partying till the dawn was all I wanted....

But now... it feels soooo different.... after so many yrs.... when u r at an age where u have made on ur own and lived & living ur life in the way that u want (?!?) and made so much memories... it's so much more harder to leave everything behind and move on....

For the past 2 weeks, I've been going thru all my stuff -- u know trying to throw things out cus shipping everything isn't exactly realistic... ummm.... well... throwing things were not as easy as I thought... it brings back kinda feelings that I find hard to explain... I must admit, I laughed, smiled, cringed and yes.... cried a bit doing that.....

Ummm.... among all the things that I found, there were lil notes from my old friend from yrs ago... first movie tix wi the first serious bf (lol~~), luv notes, old high school ID cards, b-day cards, funny shots, old diaries, photoes wi my ex-fiancee, rusted rings, stuff from all the trips I made, etc.... oh god..... they brought back so much memories.... It's like finding fossils.... It seemed like those memories were hidden (or rather forgotten) underneath the so many new memories that I've been making over the past so many yrs....

Hmmm.... well... after vacuume-packing my entire life into 12 boxes (and shipped)... think am ready to leave now.... and start a new chapter.... and I hope, I can add many more boxes wi stuff to treasure -- the kind that I can laught, smile, cringe & cry abt yrs later.... :)

Btw.... I must say those cheap Japanese HK$10 vaccume-bags are the BEST.... It shrank my life from 24 boxes to 12 boxes!!! lol~~~ oh man.....

I'll be BACK~~~~~

I've been busy.... yeah literally very busy wi farewells.... My plan for '09 has entirely changed -- for better or for worse, I dunno....

I was back in HK/Macau in Jan after my Mandarin course in BJ and was booked to go back for another half yr and come back to HK to work again... but I'm now leaving Asia for good (at least for 2 - 3 yrs). Uh huh... am heading to Van tom morning....

It feels weird... I mean leaving Asia.... I luv asia and I relate myself proudly to Asia cus it was and is my entire life... but at the end of the day, I dun think I can give up my family or the option to be with them when they need me or when I need them....

My friend sent me an e-m.... it only had one line... "R u sure?"....

Made me think a lot then.... well I replied... "No... I'm not sure... but nothing's sure in life, isn't it?? R u always sure abt your choices??"

well....honestly I'm a lil nervous and I'm really not sure abt how it's gonna be there in Van but one thing I know for sure -- I'll be BACK to Asia....

*Sigh* Already missing Asia and every lil thing in it.... :)

E-m from mum in Van.... :)

Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2008 1:17:13 AM
Subject: Pictures of Snow Day



사랑하는 가족들, 아빠, 안젤라, Lucas, Helena, Edwin n Sofia에게

모두 너무 너무 그립구나...

크리스마스때도 또 한해가 저무는 오늘 밤에도..... 아마 내일 새해때는 더욱 더 보고싶겠지?
한복 입고 새배하는 에드윈과 소피아 모습 .... 사진 찍어서 보내 주렴..


설경이 아름다울수록 눈 덮힌 경치를 좋아하는 아빠랑 , 흑한의 베이징에서 감기를 몸에 달고서 漢語와 씨름하고 있는 안젤라 ...(그래서 큰 걱정이다 )
아빠 를 모시느라 몸고생, 돈 고생하는 큰 딸 희전이, 엄마 아빠에게 침묵이 금이라는 격언을 몸소 보여주는 Lucas, 에드윈, 소피아 너희가족들 모두 가슴이 시리도록 생각나게 하고.... 함께 눈을 즐긴다면 얼마나 좋을까? 이룰수 없는 바램으로 이 겨울이 한참이나 긴것같다.
희전이가 만들어 주는 빈데떡, 생선전이랑 갈비 그리고 떡국까지도 그립고.....

2008년 쥐띠해는 참으로 다사다망한 한해였던것 같다. 아빠랑, 안젤라랑 북해도 다녀오고, 안젤라 대망의 유학길 떠나고..로사 네 집 사고, 안나 예슬이 순산에... 희전네 가족이랑 안젤라랑 로사네랑 안나네랑 손자 손녀 온 식구들 모두 모여 씨끌 뻑쩍... 여행하고 fishing하고 무엇보다 라스베가스 !! 일생에 한번있을?? 넋빠진 shopping에 정신나간 모습들 ...정말 로 축복빧은 가족들이지??? 삼촌 사별에, 안젤라 그 와중에 한국다녀오고, 마카오 돌아가자 마자 집 수리에 한국 다녀오고, --그것도 감사하게도 상속일로... 또 희전네 집 사고, 제이 건강 을 계기로 모두들 건강과 섭생에 대해 새로운 자세로 임하게 되고....
무엇보다 제이의 신장암이 초기 발견이어서 얼마나 감사하고 다행스러운지!!!... 더구나 편안하고 낙관적인 제이의 자세 또한 감사하고....자매들의 우애에 또한 감사하고 ...하느님의축복이 넘친 한해였다고 생각하며 주님께 감사드린다.

한해 동안 베풀어 주신 주님의 크신 축복과 은총에 감사 드리며 너희들에게 사랑의 편지 띄우며 2008년 마지막 밤을 마무리 짖는다.


2009년 새해

모두 건강하고, 각자의 꿈과 소망이 이루어 지고
경제적인 풍성함도이루어 주시고,
걱정과 악으로 부터 보호하여 주시어 평화 속에 머물수 있도록 하느님 아버지께 간절히 기도 드린다.


HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

* 사진 사이즈 관계로 나눠서 연속적으로 보낸다.



모두 모두 찐하게 사랑해 해 해 해

애인, 마누라, 엄마, 그리고 할머니가....